Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
