Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
