Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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