what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it glows. i had to have it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
