i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it glows. i had to have it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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