Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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