i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
