I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I touched a dick in church today
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
