it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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