I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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