Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
