i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
