I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
