You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
