the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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