dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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