He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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