I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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