McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
