Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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