Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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