you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
