in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
