i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
