Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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