That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
