I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
