what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
cat food counts as protein by the way
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When are your genitals available?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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