1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
