someone get that fucking seahorse.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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