Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
