i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
