all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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