I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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