Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
