I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this just has baby written all over it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
