The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
