You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
