so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
