she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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