we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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