things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
