oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
