Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
