I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
