Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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