found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
