She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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