are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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