why didn't you poke me back
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
