I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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