Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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