Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
