we have officially lost it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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