Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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