Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
