I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
