feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
