Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
