The maid of honor just puked.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
