He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
