just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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