How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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