whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
