why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
