Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
